Rammstein, Europe Stadium Tour, Tallinn, Estonia, 20.07.2022

 This gig took years of waiting and it was worth it. Rammstein, like always, completely blew me away.  The band's live show is incredible and I love their songs too. I also wrote about the Ratina gig at 2019, if you are interested, you can read it here. This was the fifth time I saw them live and they do better at every time they do a liveshow. I went there and for the first time I went tob a cruise alone. I met Helinä, Laura and Nelli who were so nice to me and also going to Rammstein's gig. We hanged out and talked about Rammstein and other things, and when the ship arrived at Tallinn they left because they wanted to be more at the back of the audience unlike me.

 Like at Ratina, they played many of my favorites such as Du hast, Sonne, Ich will, Heirate mich and Mein Teil. They also played to same new songs from the 2019 album such as Radio, Ausländer and Deutschland. Back in 2019 I did not care for those songs, but now I think they're fine.They played Zick Zack, that actually sounded pretty sweet live, and also Zeit and Armee der Tristen. Zeit I did not really like, but the others were pretty good. The explosives were as over the top as always, and Rammstein really does have the biggest live show ever. Almost every song had some kind of fire trick. I had a friend called Vera with me, and we had a blast. Without her I would have been probably lost and in general she was so nice to me. <3 The show was partially same as the Ratina show in 2019. They had the same supporting band playing their songs on piano, they had some of the songs with the same show, including the song's they always do the same way like Du hast and Mein Teil, and they had the same crowdsurfing with the boats when Duo Abérlard played Engel, when the crowd was asked to use their phone's flashlight like a lighter. 

 I thought going to Tallinn would be too troublesome, but overall it was not that bad. I walked about 8km, which was my record for a very long time. What I did not mention in the old Ratina post was how much pain I was in when I stood there for about six hours. I had to walk a kilometer to my mom's car and I was in absolute pain. Walking and standing this much hurt a lot, but not that much this time. I was in pain, but not in a devastating pain like I was in Ratina, so it's good I'm in little bit better shape. What I was surprised about that nothing was open during the night! I had my ship leave at 6AM so I had to find a place to be. Literally all the bars and pizzerias closed at 2AM and the terminal to the ship was not open during night.  I met Janette, who left at 8AM ship. So we went to a bar called Musicbar what was open 24/7.  But they did not serve alcohol after 2AM so I literally drank water and Coca-Cola. But it was nice to be somewhere inside as the night was slightly chilly. We walked bit over 2km to the terminal, and Janette was there to wait her own ship. I also met I., who went home with the same ship as me. She was super nice also and I, did not feel jealous for her, she lives in Tampere and she had to travel all that way home. For me it takes literally 30 minutes to come home. But overall super nice gig, and I'm looking forward for them to come at Finland at some point. I also filmed parts of their songs, including Mein Teil, Zick Zack, Links 2-3-4 and Zeig Dich. They are public on my Facebook and Instagram accounts, if you are interested. 

A pic I took when I was going there by ship.

Here you can see the show.

Hypecon, 11.06.2022

 So I decided to go to Hypecon, even though I thought I would not. Hyvinkää, where the con is, is only 45 minutes away from Helsinki, so overall it took me a little over an hour to get there. I could not get my friend to put my corset on, so I decided to go in a black and red summer dress and fishnet stockings. The dress is beautiful, it has red and black checks and a leather harness on the front. If I remember correctly, last time I have been in Hypecon was in  2014, and I've always had a lift to the con. This is the first time I had to go there by train. But the train journey was not too bad and it was fun to see cosplayers. I did not know where to con is, so I decided to follow the others. Google Maps said it was a 1,3km walk there from the train station but it did not feel that long. 

The con itself was a lot bigger than I expected. The seller's hall was massive, and there was three buildings for the con. What I did not like was that the second hand shop tables were separated. They had four different tables that were far away from each other. I did not even realize right away where the second hand shop was. I also had hundred euros cash for a figure from the second hand tables, but there was almost no figures. I was really surprised, since usually second hand shops have a lot of figures. I also did not like that the artists alley was right in the same place as seller's hall.

My look during Saturday.

Just like in Kibecon, this was a free event. They even gave us wristband to count how many there was in the con. I think there was blue one, turquoise one, pink one and orange one. They apparently did not have any red ones, so I took orange, it at least matches with my hair (yes, I have new hair, my hair is now half red and half orange).

Because this was a free event, pretty much everyone were children. I had asked many of my friends did they come to Hypecon, and they all said no, so I decided to go there alone and just find someone. I hanged out with teenagers  all con, until I met the sisters of Asikainen, Päivi and Satu. It's been years since I've seen them and they looked amazing, as always. I just enjoy people my age or older. I feel quite awkward with teenagers. But I had a lot of fun with them. They had a workshop, where people could create their own jewelry, so unlike me, they dd not hang out in the con.

I also met Pipsa, the same person who I went to London with years ago. She had been working the whole con so she could not hang out, but after her work she came to talk to me, We talked about meeting, Pipsa lives in Vantaa which is not that far from Espoo. She even gave me a can of Pepsi Max <3 She is so lovely.

They also had a partly in the evening, and I stayed there for about 20 minutes. It was for everyone, so there was no alcohol involved. The music was not Japanese, they played Korean pop songs that I did not like. Only like five people were dancing and I was there alone, so I decided to left. I had no one to follow for the railway station, but the walk was pretty much straight, so I did not get lost. 

When I was young I could not ever find anything from cons except jewelry, and literally never bought anything from Manga Cafe as I felt they are expensive. But now I think it's not that expensive, as they have to pay customs and shipping for their products. So I literally bought stuff with 25 euro. I bought strawberry mochis, that were exactly same as the ones I bought from Tampere Kuplii, just in diffrent package, the same dry ice cream I bought from Kibecon, strawberry Kit Kats, Mochis with rasberry custard and chocolate cookies that were partly mochis that had banana paste inside. One of my friends said that Japanese flavored Kit Kats are not from this world. I have never liked Kit Kat's chocolate, and I decided to test it. It was not bad, but it was not good either. I just don't like their chocolate.

I also bought a shirt from Banned and a necklace.The necklace was from Sir Roi, and she was so nice. She had a necklace of a beetle but it had green rhinestones. So I asked her if she could make it with red or black rhinestones. She happened to have it as an earring with black rhinestones, so she made it into a necklace. She did the the chain too short first, and she had to make it longer. I had before that asked for a sale, and she said she would sell it with 17 euro instead of 19 euro. She still gave me the sale! Even though she went through all that with the chain. I was so happy.

From KuroiNeko I bought a shirt from Banned. It was on sale and it cost 25 euro, which was a very good price. The shirt was super beautiful and I loved that they had it in bigger size. Banned clothing is very large, I have two shirts from them a size smaller that still fit, but the shirt looked very good. The shirt was simple black top with corset-like decoration. 

Flavored mochis, dry strawberry ice cream and strawberry mochis from Manga Cafe.

Mochi cookies with banana paste. This was super good.

Strawberry Kit Kats.

A shirt by Banned sold by Kuroineko. This shirt cost 25 euro and it is very good quality.

A beetle necklace from Sir Roi Jewelry. The original cost was 19 euro, but she sold it to me for 17 euro <3

Overall a good experience, and I might go next year time too.

Beautiful Torture 10 Year Annivesary

 This is going to be a short post, I apologize. Also I was supposed to post this yesterday, as it was 6th of July when I started, but I forgot. So here it is! I started to write this blog at the mature age of 15 in 2012. Back then I did not think anything about this blog, never thought anyone would read it and I thought I would only write for a while and then delete it. How wrong I was! Here we are, ten years later. Things have changed a lot. I still have depression, but when I was 15, my depression was really severe. I had had a burnout for years and years at that point and honestly I thought that dying would be easier than living. Fortunately, I never managed to take my own life. Now I have my own apartment, my relationship with my parents is better and I have my depression under control. My life is still not easy, but it is easier when I was a teenager. Even though I had a hard time with passing of Ella I have a new dog, called Gringo. He is a four year old boxer, who is originally from Spain. I might wrote about him in the future. Unlike Ella, Gringo is very calm. He is a lot more nervous than Ella and does not greet visitors like Ella did. I still miss Ella, she was such an important dog in m life, but I like Gringo too.  

I started to do new things. I always knew that cyber goth look was the goth look I liked the most, but it took ten years to actually dress as a cyber goth. I had cyber lox for years, but never really had anyone to put them on my head, as I cannot do it myself. In Tampere Kuplii and Kibecon I dressed as a cyber goth, and the experience was awesome. There is also a goth meeting in next month, where I might dress as a cyber goth, I also started finally to learn how to contour my face. This is something I have been thinking for ten years now, but never really had the courage to actually do it. I also started to cosplay again. I actually tried to come back in 2020, but then the coronavirus came and you know how that went. I tried to make a cosplay for Kibecon and Desucon and failed. I hope I have to cosplay at least in Tracon, or maybe in Kitsunecon, what is a month before that. I have also accepted my body that I have been wearing dresses. I usually dress quite feminine, I have not own pants in years and at winter I had a a skirt and a leggings. But wearing a dress has always been a bit difficult for me.  I simply think that my plus size body does not look good in dresses. But now for last six days I have been only wearing dresses, I just bought a 50s style dress from Dolly & Dotty and next time I go to my mom's house I might go to Muotiputiikki Helmi, that sells 50s style pin-up dresses. 

Some pic I took yesterday. I have new necklace, new lipstick and a new dress. In this photo I'm actually wearing contour on my cheeks and my forehead, but you can't really see it. Overall I'm feeling well.

Nightwish, Helsinki Ice Hall, 24.4.2022

 I have been fan of Nightwish since I was a little kid, I have been listening to them since I was six years old. Tarja Turunen was my first Nightwish vocalist and she is still my favorite, but I was quite young when she got fired so I never saw her live. I have seen her perform Christmas songs in a church in Kotka, and I wrote about it (in Finnish) back then.

This time I saw Floor Jansen, who is really good, but I still have to say I prefer Tarja. Floor's singing technique is better than Tarja's but I still think she sounds more like a basic metal singer whereas Tarja's soprano sound was so unique. But I still really liked Floor. She is definitely a good lead for a metal band, she feels like a metal vocalist. 

I recorded some of their songs, including She is my Sin, Nemo and Ever Dream. I decided not to upload them to my YouTube channel, but I uploaded them to my Facebook page and made them public, so you can check them out. These were all some of my favorite songs, and they also played Planet Hell, which is such a powerful song. In Planet Hell she actually sung Marco's parts, which was cool.  Storytime sounded so much better sung by Floor than Anette, and at the end when they played Ghost Love Score I felt like I was in heaven. I still think that Tarja's songs sound better with her voice, but that's just my opinion. 

I was there quite early so I managed to get quite close to the stage. Helsinki Ice Hall is a nice place to have a gig like this, at it is so big that it does not feel crowded. I am going to see Rammstein in Tallinn this month, even though here I wrote I would not go to Estonia, I decided to go anyway, oops. There is a 3km walk to the Laululava from the harbor, I have to stand up for several hours and then walk back the 3km. I already know I'm going to be in pain. There was actually a ship that leaves at 1.30 AM, but it is quite expensive, almost 100 euro, and I would need to be there at 1 AM so I would probably miss it. So I decided to take a ship at the morning that leaves at 6 AM. I'm going to be awake the whole night, but hey, for Rammstein I have to suffer. Those are the only metal gigs I had for this summer. I almost went to Rock in the City Vantaa, but decided not to, as Desucon was in the next weekend. Also Hypecon was at the same time, so I decided to go there. 

Here are some videos that others have posted:

Nemo

Storytime

 

Planet Hell

Ghost Love Score

I actually completely forgot about this post. I accured me few days ago that I had forgotten to write about the Nightiwish gig. So I wrote about it. Thankfully I realized now and not months later.